bleuh

you know the way sometimes you feel like nothing works out.......I think i bring it on myself, most definitely... so i met a guy on saturday night. I wasn't that impressed, I mean, i thought he was hot enough to score for the night, but I wasn't looking for anything more. However, regardless, I gave him my phone number. Now, on Saturday night, lets just say I wasn't at my best, I was quite harsh, and kept calling him a Dickhead. SO on Sunday I was surprised to get a text from said 'dick head'. I don't know why, but I texted him back. ( I tell a lie, I do know why, its because Im quite pathetic when it comes to guys, and if anyone shows the slightest bit on interest I grab it with both hands, usually causing damage, its rather upsetting). I upheld my sharp, bitch-like persona during the texts, and couldn't believe it when he asked me to meet up for a drink. I said yes ( due to my pathetic nature, as i mentioned above). Nerves crippled me, I don't know why, because I thought I didn't like the guy, I was going to get a few drinks, nothing more. When I got there, I was so attracted to him, It amazed me. I thought he was absolutely georgeous, just my type. We got on well, apart from the fact that he lied about his occupation on Saturday. Turns out, working in Insurance is a big turn off for girls. Who Knew? So we had a few drinks, chatted about most things. Then we moved to a quieter pub, and it was going well, he kept caressing my wrist, when talking about which tattoo I should get. As the alcohol consumed my veigns, so did Joe Blackishness, his knee kept rubbing against my thighs underneath the table. We were so close, I could almost feel his breath, however, still in a public place.

SUDDENLY

He says he has an early start in the morning, so I gulp my drink into me, we walk outside, me expecting AT LEAST a peck on the lips. and NOTHING, zilch.

"ok, so i'll text you"

SHIT..... oh how the tables had turned. I hated this guy, I was too cocky, I thought I could do better. Now, I seemed to have repulsed him somehow. I felt absolutely awful, I still do. My confidence was shattered to pieces. The situation went from me thinking I was above him, and I could use him for a few dates ( an attitude I completely regret) to me feeling like He was disgusted by me, the way I looked, the way I spoke, everything. I went from not caring about him, to feeling like I should be worthy of his text messages. Its absolutely tragic, what girls have to go through.

Now it may seem a bit silly to say one can get traumatised from a first date, but traumatised is what I feel like. Three days later, I feel horrendous. On sunday, I dreaded the thought of him texting me, NOW, i keep checking my phone.

My point is, I thought going on a date, with someone you aren't really into, would boost my confidence, make me feel like a normal, single girl. It has done the complete opposite. I feel awful. Below zero, in a state of depression. I suppose I feel like, he rejected me, for who I am. He got a taster of who I am, and he didn't like it. I feel like a clothing item, which was bought on a whim, and then returned. I hope I can get over it somehow, Im sure I will.