Cakes....

The jigsaw is starting to fit....

Feeling slightly less traumatised about the horrific end to the 'date' the other night....I keep forgetting that I just have to sit back and everything will work out, click into place, theres nothing I can do to control it ...

bleuh

you know the way sometimes you feel like nothing works out.......I think i bring it on myself, most definitely... so i met a guy on saturday night. I wasn't that impressed, I mean, i thought he was hot enough to score for the night, but I wasn't looking for anything more. However, regardless, I gave him my phone number. Now, on Saturday night, lets just say I wasn't at my best, I was quite harsh, and kept calling him a Dickhead. SO on Sunday I was surprised to get a text from said 'dick head'. I don't know why, but I texted him back. ( I tell a lie, I do know why, its because Im quite pathetic when it comes to guys, and if anyone shows the slightest bit on interest I grab it with both hands, usually causing damage, its rather upsetting). I upheld my sharp, bitch-like persona during the texts, and couldn't believe it when he asked me to meet up for a drink. I said yes ( due to my pathetic nature, as i mentioned above). Nerves crippled me, I don't know why, because I thought I didn't like the guy, I was going to get a few drinks, nothing more. When I got there, I was so attracted to him, It amazed me. I thought he was absolutely georgeous, just my type. We got on well, apart from the fact that he lied about his occupation on Saturday. Turns out, working in Insurance is a big turn off for girls. Who Knew? So we had a few drinks, chatted about most things. Then we moved to a quieter pub, and it was going well, he kept caressing my wrist, when talking about which tattoo I should get. As the alcohol consumed my veigns, so did Joe Blackishness, his knee kept rubbing against my thighs underneath the table. We were so close, I could almost feel his breath, however, still in a public place.

SUDDENLY

He says he has an early start in the morning, so I gulp my drink into me, we walk outside, me expecting AT LEAST a peck on the lips. and NOTHING, zilch.

"ok, so i'll text you"

SHIT..... oh how the tables had turned. I hated this guy, I was too cocky, I thought I could do better. Now, I seemed to have repulsed him somehow. I felt absolutely awful, I still do. My confidence was shattered to pieces. The situation went from me thinking I was above him, and I could use him for a few dates ( an attitude I completely regret) to me feeling like He was disgusted by me, the way I looked, the way I spoke, everything. I went from not caring about him, to feeling like I should be worthy of his text messages. Its absolutely tragic, what girls have to go through.

Now it may seem a bit silly to say one can get traumatised from a first date, but traumatised is what I feel like. Three days later, I feel horrendous. On sunday, I dreaded the thought of him texting me, NOW, i keep checking my phone.

My point is, I thought going on a date, with someone you aren't really into, would boost my confidence, make me feel like a normal, single girl. It has done the complete opposite. I feel awful. Below zero, in a state of depression. I suppose I feel like, he rejected me, for who I am. He got a taster of who I am, and he didn't like it. I feel like a clothing item, which was bought on a whim, and then returned. I hope I can get over it somehow, Im sure I will.

No Fixed Abode

Country Girl

All I want is someone (with a Penis) to take me here

http://www.toscana.ie/

I've never met a girl like you before...

So my life seems to be a constant struggle to find a boyfriend, so everytime I even get talking to a guy ( i mean EVERYTIME, it could be something like the shopkeeper smiling at me) and I'll think to myself, hmmmm maybe he could be my husband. I know its funny and pathetic, but its the way my mind works, I can't help it. So out of all my friends, I'm no where near the most attractive, in fact I don't think guys would be interested in me at all.

Despite my lack of aesthetic beauty, I score the most guys out of all my friends. This is because i have no standards, as you'll see from my previous post 'Scoring guys just for fun' you'll see I happily accept the first boy who looks twice at me. Whereas my friends have more respect for their mouths.

So I was in my local Saturday Night disco bar recently, lovely night, Beatles were blaring. I put in my usual request for Big Mouth Strikes Again, and was absolutely devastated to find out that it had been played already, so I settled for Panic. Anyway, there were only 3 of us out that night, J had spotted some little hottie so she was off fluttering her eyelashes. So myself and M the Manhater were left to Twist and Shout. A few times, nice boys passed me by, but I Knew I had to reject any of them if they showed any interest because I couldn't leave M on her own. (I'd done this before and I didn't want to do it again).

While we were dancing this tall guy started playfully pulling at my handbag to get me to turnaround. Me, after deciding I wasn't going to score anyone that night, pinched him and turned back around to M. For the next hour or so I could see the guy from the corner of my eye, he was looking at me, while at the same time unsuccessfully trying to chat up two blonde girls. Anyway the night stated to come to an end, J came back from her brief loverboy, and the three reunited to dance. Next thing, someone had grabbed my hand, gently, I might add. I looked up and it was the tall guy, he was just standing there with his hand behind his back, in mine. I didn't know what to make of it, I looked him up and down, and my inner voice whispered "This could be your husband". So I said 'Fuck it" and led him over to the corner. He was great, really tall, and handsome and he had his eyebrow pierced. He was a great kisser and he held my head in his hands. ( which I love) So we kissed and danced for a while until it was time to go. He said 'where are you going now?" I said " eh. home"... with my friends". SO i thought he'd get the message... and ask for my number and bring be to Toscanas on a date ( PS this is all I want.. somebody to bring me to Toscanas for dinner... I say somebody, i mean a boy/man) So my friend came over and asked if I was going home. Again, He said " where are you going?" I said "home" and he said "any room for me?" NO

I wasn't angry at the time, I politely suggested he take my number and text me at some stage ( with the intention of taking me to Toscanas for dinner :) He replied " yea i'll call you in an hour and you can let me in"

So i left, and on the way home I was fuming, why do guys do this? However then I got to thinking, guys wouldn't do this if they didn't ever get the girls to go home with. Are there actually girls out there who go home and sleep with a guy after kissing them for five minutes? The answer is yes, they're the kind of girls who flash you their vagina while walking down the street, not intentionally of course ( really?) its just that they wear skirts so short that one cant help but see a bum cheek or two.

So its quite easy to tar all boys who are just after one thing as bastards. But the truth is, they wouldn't be after the one thing if they didn't get it from certain girs. So girls, have some fucking self respect. Guys will see you as an object if you let them put their penis in you after five minutes.........jesus....maybe im wrong?

You'll go to hell for what your dirty mind is thinking

One of the major trends set to dominate Spring fashion 2010 is nude, barely there looks. I found some lovely looks while browsing through my old favourite www.style.com . I can see elements are borrowed from Madonna's cone bra, designed by the hero that is Jean Paul Gautier.

The concept behind this trend seems to be teasing and tantalizing, either by showing visible skin or by using soft flesh coloured fabric, making people look twice at the outfit. The main colours threaded through the designs are soft but rich nude tones, coffee colours in sheer, subtle fabric. Some metallics, lace and lucious blacks give a sexy boost to this sultry yet sophisticated look.

The designs are incredibly sexy, yet not in an obvious way. The dusty pinks, shimmering silvers and obscure nudity, make the look more Dita Von Teese than Katie Price.x

There's a pattern, there's a pattern, there's a pattern there to be followed

So for the next few weeks I'll be studying printed textiles. Its not something I was very enthusiastic about but I'l gonna just throw myself into it and try and be as creative as I can. I never really had an affinity with print, I always preferred more texturised mediums. However, I started my research today, and from looking at other artists, I'm actually getting quite excited. I've always wanted to like print because it is a much more versatile and commercial aspect of textile design, in comparison with embroidery and weave that is. Anyhow, I'm throwing up a couple of things I found today which boded quite well with my eyesight.......

Sometimes you just need someone to tell you everythings going to be ok.....

'I love my wife, but I don't respect her, because I don't think she's smart'

I find, that I lose respect for people when I don't find them smart. It annoys me incredibly when people are slow to catch up on conversations, or they don't know who you're talking about even though you've told this story over and over for weeks. Its so frustrating, it amazes me how people can get through their lives being so incredibly slow, and for want of a better word, retarded.

Stop Worrying!

In ten or twenty years you'll look back on your life and say "Those things you used to worry about so much were soo small and trivial", take a step back, stop worrying.

"Don't sweat the small stuff... its all small stuff"

Lx

Chicks with Beards...

This photograph is part of a Media elective I'm doing. The model is wearing a beard made out of ribbons, I've previously worked on themes around humiliation and embarrassment, so this is a branch forward from that. I'll put up the other work at a later stage..

http://www.levivanveluw.nl/

Back to the Island.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live on a remote island? Personally I think it's a great idea. Lately, I've been preoccupied with thoughts of the recession, college, and general worrying burdens, nothing all that serious, but distracting nonetheless. One night I had a thought, if we went to an Island, I'm picturing scenes from The Beach. There would be no need for currency, everyone would have their tasks. Ideally we'd be a group of close knit friends and family, we'd have our own vegetable patch and animals for food. We would build our own cabins gradually and there'd be a boat which would ship our family members to and fro occasionally, because we all know, as much as we'd like to escape them, we couldn't leave them forever.

As much as I'd like to prohibit recreation, there probably would inevitably be children on the island and a few couples. I'd say the single people will all score each other eventually, but it'll all be good fun. I haven't thought really about much else, the main criteria is that there is no currency, no salary, no bills, sounds good doesn't it?

Lx